Ever feel like your schedule controls you instead of the other way around? Let’s change that.

It’s common for us to feel like we are constantly in a state of hurry up and wait or OMG where did the time go? For as much as we crave consistency and balance, it just doesn’t feel possible! But this is not a time to give up on pursuing balance. It’s a time to take a step back, define what works for us, and create a flexible plan that we can adapt to.

We are going to take a look at how our all-or-nothing mindset can get in the way of a more balanced schedule, begin identifying areas for shifting, and create a plan that you can implement this week. Grab your planner and let’s get into it.

Identifying Root Causes of Schedule Imbalance

Before we go changing, we need to know what we are actually up against. Sometimes what we are facing connects to something deeper, and other times it is a simple shift we didn’t even consider.

All or Nothing Mindset

All-or-Nothing thinking is a common cognitive distortion that can lead to burnout and schedule imbalance. For overthinkers, all-or-nothing thinking can come up as a way to simplify overwhelm. For overdoers, the mentality of work hard, play hard can lead to unhelpful compartmentalizing of tasks. Wherever this shows up in your life, having an understanding of where it shows up and the possible function of the mindset will be a significant help when recreating your weekly schedule.

3 Questions to Consider:

• Am I overwhelmed? Overwhelm can feel like a sense of restlessness or a state of numbness. Feeling overwhelmed can point to wanting to simplify a problem the fastest way possible.
• Am I using criticism as a motivator? Look, the catch 22 of self criticism is that sometimes it does lead to change! But that shift does come at a great cost.
• Am I editing as I brainstorm? When looking at your schedule and brainstorming ideas, self editing can occur as a means to save time.

People Pleasing

Getting to know our people pleaser side can be tough because it might be something you have never considered challenging. Many of us overdoers have been praised and rewarded for ongoing self-sacrifice, being of service, and making the lives of others easier. This compassionate call out might bring up some emotions, allow them to be present as teachers.

3 Questions to Consider:

• Who am I thinking about when scheduling? How many people’s schedules intertwine with yours? Are there areas of life where you get judgment about your timing? Name them.
• Do they even know what I am doing? Sometimes our overdoing can be so subtle (to others) that those in your life have no idea it’s happening! It might be time to bring them into your process.
• Is being a helper part of my identity? No shame if it is, but we should consider if you want to be known for other aspects or how we can dial it back a notch.

Perfectionism and the Need for Control

I get it. There are many times where doing it your way ensures that it gets things 1. done and 2. done the best way. If there was a way to duplicate ourselves or have others follow our plans to a T (without asking questions over and over) then this section wouldn’t be needed. But alas, we are only one human.

3 Questions to Consider:

• Do I really care or do I just need control? Answer this with compassion first my friend.
• What does perfection mean to me? Safety, security? Let’s get into why we desire perfection in our lives.
• Have I prioritized? If we don’t know our present intentions, it’s easy to lean on perfectionism to be our guide.
• Bonus question: When I schedule, do I have a more “optimistic” mindset or “pessimistic” mindset. This could also be: do I schedule thinking I have more or less time. If these beliefs are in extremes, balance will be finding the range in the middle.

Once you take some time to understand the mental roadblocks you might be running into, we can lean into the more strategic side of addressing schedule imbalance. Remember, the answers to these questions should be held with flexibility and compassion. There is a reason we have held these mindsets, and we just need to give them a more productive place to exist.

Defining Balance

It’s so funny, in my own life and in my sessions, I often run into the notion that balance isn’t defined…yet we are always pursuing it. Defining your stance on balance taps into our need for self-trust and humility. Our definition of balance can be an evolving thought, as long as we have an understanding of what that exactly means for us.

Balance can be defined by:

• Specific Behaviors/Tasks: What do you want to make a non-negotiable in your weekly schedule? Is it finishing all documentation by Friday? Having a family dinner each night? Spend some time identifying exactly how you want to be (and need to be) spending your time.
• Specific Emotions: This one is a bit more abstract, but identifying our desired emotions helps with balance because we often only remember what we DON’T want to feel.
• Specific Body Sensations: Much like our emotions, defining our ideal body state (rested, energetic, grounded) can be a helpful marker for balance in our schedule.
• Specific Values/Intentions: Like a mission statement, keeping specific values in mind helps guide how you schedule your time and prioritize tasks.
• Margin or Flex Time: How much time do you need as a buffer for tasks and self care? Give yourself a specific daily or weekly amount.

Keep in mind that this is about YOUR definition of balance. It needs to meet you where you are today and all of the context that comes with it. Balance is not about doing it all–but more about doing the things that add to your life and provide foundational safety.

Identifying Obligations

This part might become overwhelming, but consider this a bullet point list of your daily tasks. Take your week and block out what you have to do each week. This can be work, helping kids go to bed, phone calls with family, volunteering, study time, sleep, and other self sustaining behaviors. This doesn’t have to be by the minute but more of a general gauge.

3 Reflection Questions:

• Have I considered ways to reduce obligations in my week? Think about unused subscriptions, we don’t use them but they cost money. What’s happening in your week that can be delegated, simplified, or dropped?
• What need does this fulfill? Employment=money to live and play. Getting kids to bed=parenting. Grocery shopping=having sustenance. We need to remember our why.
• How do I feel when I see the time? This might be the toughest part because it is a hard core reality of where our time goes. Take it as information that can be used to create change.

Obligations are the part of life we must accept, but with the idea that we can make efforts towards change. If you have a schedule with a lot of obligations, it might be time to work with your therapist, a trusted friend, mentor, or family on seeing if anything can shift.

Practical Time Savers

This is a non-exhaustive list and it comes with a lot of nuance. These suggestions are meant to be a starting point.

• Household Management: Meal kits, Grocery delivery, Laundry services, Landscaper/Yard work, Task managers, Home maintenance subscriptions (Pest, HVAC)
• Bill Management: Budgeting apps, Service cancellation services, Bookkeeper, Accountant
• Child Support: Parents Night Out programs, Sitters, Tutors, Community Center classes, Activity Subscriptions, Community meet ups
• Professional Support: Networking Groups, Freelancing specific tasks, Virtual Assistant, Headhunter or Recruiters
• Automation Tools: Zapier, Email filters, Smart home systems, Subscription models for frequent purchases, DocuSign, Google Apps Script
• Health Support: Prescription mail delivery, Virtual visits, Memberships to wellness communities (ex: group accupunture)

Community Options

Sometimes we can save time by being part of a specific group or create an event with friends. Here are some examples:

Freezer Meal Parties, Group Fitness, Walking Group, Coworking Spaces, Group Supervision (for licenses), Study Groups, Parenting Groups, Therapy Groups, Body Doubling (Focus Mate), Cleaning Parties

Finding Time for YOU

Disclaimer from the jump: finding time with balance in mind also needs to consider that buffer/margin we discussed earlier in the blog. Because if we don’t need to use our buffer times for tasks, we can roll that into our self care!

What to look for in your weekly schedule:

• Are there “slow” times? At the office, is there a time where emails slow down? Do you have an extended break between classes? Are there times where everyone could be pushed to do their own thing? Block those off as potential areas for self care or margin.
• Where can “microbreaks” happen? A solid example of this is the carpool line. Instead of catching up on emails, read a book or listen to music mindfully. Don’t underestimate the power of 15 minutes to yourself.
• Does “me” time need to be at the same time or have variety? This depends on how your life is. If you opt for more variety, identify a daily or weekly goal of me time/margin.
• Can anything be paired together? This goes for both boring and not-boring self care. Can we gain time by bundling things together?

What you might find is that your schedule allows for more microbreaks on a daily or weekly basis. If you feel like you need extended time for margin/me time, consider blocking off a half day or a full day with no obligations each month.

Need Self Care Inspo? Check Out These Blogs

Create a Self Care Menu

Boring Self Care Ideas

20 Self Care Staycation Ideas

30 Incorporated Self Care Ideas (Microbreaks)

Community Care

Building (and Maintaining) Momentuum

Now that we have an idea of our balanced week, it’s time to put it into action. Remember, this is a process and an exercise of flexibility and boundary setting. There will be highs and lows, just like everything else in our lives.

Choose Your First Shift

Moving into balance can be a gradual process. In fact, overhauls are only suggested if there is significant burnout, health issues, or a major life change occurring. Overhauls sounds nice, but they can be taxing because of human’s need for adjustment time.

Choosing your first shift needs to be low-lift, high-reward, that is accessible. For example, reading a book for 10 minutes a day is accessible and entertaining. Another example could be waking up before the kids wake up so you can drink coffee by yourself. It’s not the most aspirational task, but this build muscle memory for bigger self care tasks.

Framing these shifts as experiments can spark curiosity and allow space for the shifts to be what they are (good, bad, neutral). Evaluate week by week and see if the shift(s) lead to those markers of balance discussed earlier.

Identify Specific Boundaries

Boundaries don’t have to be big or scary. The idea is to have protectors in place to increase the likelihood of reaching a balanced schedule. This can look like putting a sign up in your office when you can’t be interrupted, making a daily solo time at home, or putting your phone on DND. These are your tools for the self-care experiments you’re doing 🙂

Check Out This Blog for a Full Break Down About Boundaries

Replace Guilt With Self Compassion

Look, just because we are talking about me-time and self care doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. We will face some tough emotions, and our biggest support is going to be self-compassion. Self compassion is bringing ease to our expectations and self-talk. It is about treating yourself with the same patience and presence you give others.

There will be times where our shifting isn’t supported, and in fact it might be criticized. There will be times where we take the time out for ourselves and it’s not as positive as we hoped. Setbacks are moments to be teachers, and are natural parts of life.

Balance is a Process

The fact that you are considering a different way of operating is already a big deal! As you go about these shifts, holding tight to what you are wanting in life and remembering that you deserve balance too will be what helps during the adjustment. If it’s uncomfortable…you’re probably doing the new thing (and that’s good).

Ready to put these ideas into action? The Nine to Kind Possibility Planner is designed to help you create balance with ease—check it out in the shop!