Feeling Disconnected? Community Care Might Help

June 2, 2024

Keep reading for a list of Community Care Ideas

It shouldn’t surprise us that after years of isolation, division, and rebuilding our own lives that loneliness is more prevalent than ever. In many of the wellness spaces, we are noticing how the trend of self-care might be a contributing factor to increased loneliness. There’s a chance you have experienced this trend of loneliness too, even if you are rarely alone. As creatures that have survived primarily because of our ability to form community, this struggle with connection can be significantly impactful to our well-being.

In 2023, the U.S Surgeon General released an 82 page overview about the loneliness epidemic and the healing effects of social connection and community. When discussing the risks, the Surgeon General summarized the impacts, saying:

“Loneliness is far more than just a bad feeling—it harms both individual
and societal health. It is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular
disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death.
The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that
caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day,4 and even greater than
that associated with obesity and physical inactivity.”

Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, 19th and 21st Surgeon General of the United States

If disconnection is a consistent feeling for you, as it is common for overthinkers and overdoers, community care might sound good in theory but come with a lot of hesitation. For those that identify as people pleasers, the concept of community care can be intimidating. Since people pleasers and perfectionists tend to lean on more supportive roles, they tend to struggle with being on the receiving end of community care. Other barriers might include not having resources to carve out the time for connection, social anxiety, living situations, and more.

Keeping all of this in mind, we must recognize that community care is a much-needed aspect of our self care routines while also being mindful of how community can contribute to burnout. Keep reading for our tips, tricks, and mindset shits for engaging in community care-including 25 ideas to get started.

What is Community Care-and how does it relate to self care?

According to She Geeks Out, “Community care consists of both small-and large-scale actions that we can take to show our support for another person, or group of people.” This can also be connected to the concept of a collectivist culture, meaning that our relationships make are a prioritized focus in our ongoing decision making. This is about more than connection alone, it’s about beginning to build groups of community that can band together and fix systemic issues that impact humanity.

Community Care is a mindset of focusing on the betterment of the community (organization, neighborhood, peer group, etc) as a whole and engage in more compromise. Like anything, this concept requires intention and nuance. Community Care strongly supports “interdependence,” which speaks to how we can bring our strengths to a collective while also benefiting from the strengths of others. Sounds pretty nice right? We agree.

Community Care is a necessity for the self-care routines of overthinkers and overdoers because they need to learn how to just be, take a moment to leave the noise between their two ears, and gain concrete examples of things that might challenge their core beliefs.

Like mentioned earlier, hesitations for ongoing community care might be rooted in our current burnout, especially if demands from others are a contributing factor to burnout. We must hold space to see things like connection on a spectrum, and find value in all levels of interconnectedness. Community Care must be seen as a two way street, that sometimes might have some traffic jams. Some situations might call for more of our giving, and at times we will need to be the one supported.

Elements of Community Care

When beginning to brainstorm and strategize about community care, it is helpful to keep these elements in mind.

  • Levels of Interconnectedness (Interpersonal Intimacy)
  • Proximity
  • Values and Community Identity
  • Expectations and Intentions

Levels of Interconnectedness (interpersonal intimacy)

Based on concepts discussed in the Radically Open DBT Skills Manual

To offer a framework for the experience of interconnectedness, it helps to recognize that there is benefit from having a diverse range of connections. There is value in both our lower intimacy relationship and high intimacy relationships. This range challenges that surface level relationships don’t have benefits. Let’s take a look at the range to consider what levels of community care you already have, and areas you might need to focus on improving.

The RODBT Match +1 Rating Scale (Developed by Dr. Thomas Lynch, 2018)

Level 1-2: Talking about everyday nonemotional events (the weather, traffic conditions, or the taste of a meal) and/ or stating opinions about nonemotional topics (the service at a restaurant or the color of a room)

  • Remember, this level of intimacy is essential for relationship building and engaging in low-lift community care activities (see below). Experiences of interconnected at this level can serve as a reminder of our humanity and place in this world.

Level 3-4: Making nonemotional disclosures about personal goals or values (politics, parenting, philosophy) and/or making emotional or passionate disclosures about nonpersonal topics (world peace) and/or revealing socially acceptable personal preferences (“I love to go mountain biking”)

  • We start to get a little more vulnerable here. This level is important for people pleasers to practice open disclosure and gaining comfort in speaking about our personal interests. We start to learn about commonalities with others and maybe start learning newer perspectives.

Level 5-6: Revealing private feelings or emotional judgments about personal events (one’s true feelings about the boss or a coworker) and/or revealing possibly socially unacceptable opinions, judgments, or preferences (“I detest disorganized people”)

  • This is where a lot of community care relationships stall out. It can feel very revealing and we might even begin seeing possible imbalances. It is important to make efforts to engage at this level even if it feels vulnerable. If the balance seems off, notice and consider shifting how you engage.

Level 7-8: Revealing personal opinions or thoughts about the relationship (“I really like you”) and/or revealing private feelings or judgments about highly emotional personal events (giving details about one’s unhappy marriage) and/or engaging in open expression (tears, uninhibited laughter, more eye contact)

  • This is where we begin moving into interpersonal relationships, which are still part of our community care. As we get older, this level of interconnectedness will ebb, flow and adapt to life’s changes. Also it is common to not have a large amount of relationships at this high of intimacy.

Level 9: Revealing feelings of affection or desire for more intimacy (“I want to spend more time with you”) and/or sharing stories of shameful or embarrassing experiences that could be damaging if known publicly and/ or being willing to be highly vulnerable (sharing extreme self-doubt or weaknesses)

  • Much like level 7-8, the higher we go, the less likely we are going to have a large group of interpersonal relationships. Community Care at higher levels also needs to begin taking emotional investment and bandwidth into consideration. Don’t forget, the things (and people) we love in our lives will contribute to what impacts our bandwidth.

Level 10: Expressing love or intense feelings of caring and desire for a committed long-term relationship and being willing to reveal deep-seated vulnerable emotions that one may never have expressed before and to make serious personal sacrifices for the relationship

  • This does not have to be a romantic relationship. Some people’s highest level of interconnectedness can come from platonic relationships or family members.

This is an element of planning community care because we want to be mindful of our bandwidth and expectations for how engagement will support our self-care routines. Having this range in mind is helpful for understanding what levels of interconnectedness pour into us and what levels might impact our bandwidth levels more. In some periods of our lives, we need to rely on “lighter” relationships, and other times we need to reserve more resources for our deeper relationships.

Proximity and Means of Connection

How we access community will look different from person to person. Digital and Virtual connection have been helpful for increasing access to community. There is a strong desire for more in person connection, and others are working on creating spaces for more in-person opportunities. Just like levels of connectedness, having a diverse range of means for connecting helps increase the likelihood of engagement. Here’s what to consider…

Regarding proximity, we want to consider connection activities that have a low barrier to entry. This can look like getting connected with local community centers, libraries, and meetup groups that are close to your home. Other starting points for proximity might involve your office or commute or places you frequent (grocery stores, etc).

For community care that is within a closer proximity, this will be about increasing frequency at various levels of engagement. “Low connection engagement” falls within the 0-5 levels of interconnectedness, meaning they are chances to feel like a part of a community in a broader sense. For more low connection level engagement, it can look like working from the same coffee shop weekly or going to a local bar that broadcasts your favorite sports team. Other low connection level engagement can include scheduled classes, gyms/fitness studios, volunteering, or places of faith. “High connection engagement” is more intimate and could require more bandwidth. High connection engagement activities look like a local book club, meetup groups, local walk/run groups, or networking activities.

With means of connection, we want to take the approach of both convenience and stretching our efforts. If you tend to save your contact and energy for more in-person opportunities, try stretching your comfort zone by sending check in texts. If you have relied on digital means of connecting, try an in-person opportunity once a month (or every other month). The goal of this is about variety and finding the value in all types of connecting with others.

Values and Community Identity

The term “values” is less about morality and more about honoring our own personal or communal beliefs. Incorporating personal values and understanding community identity are about finding the commonality that brings one another together. For example, there may be diversity of thought within a group of volunteers at a food bank, but the commonalities of service and cooperation might be two connecting factors. Keeping these things into consideration is helpful for understanding what we might want our of our connection opportunities.

If you are someone who feels disconnected due to lacking commonalities, finding more like minded people in your community (ex: volunteering for a specific political campaign) might matter more than the activity itself. For someone wanting to learn from different schools of thought might look for a community opportunity that is more about the activity itself (ex: helping at the animal shelter) rather than those who participate. You get to choose what is more important to you, and sometimes it’s a win-win!

Moving into a mindset of a collectivist culture means that we identify ourselves as a member of the community (“I’m a member of the therapy provider community”). Having a clear understanding of the community identity is important to have a solid understanding of the group’s “why” and where to compromise, along with gaining that sense of purpose we would like to experience while connecting. Consider this-if you are looking for a group of people that are sober curious, that community identity will likely inform the places you meet.

If you want a starting point of values or community identity focuses, read this article for a full list of suggested values.

Expectations and Intentions

Having community care as a part of your self-care routine is about being on both the giving and receiving ends of community and support. This does not mean to take on a tit-for-tat type of mindset (again…we are focusing on community) but more so about operating within a system.

Investing in community care is about bringing reciprocity back into communities, and flattening the hierarchy that can happen in other types of groups. A great example of this are Employee Resource Groups or ERGs created within a larger corporation. Having a smaller community with specific commonalities and intentions can be just the thing that helps reduce burnout because people can feel safely supported (and those supports are in close proximity). A junior level employee might be with a senior level employee in an ERG, which again brings the human back into human interaction.

It is helpful to have your personal awareness of expectations and intentions in order to gain an understanding of how effective the community care is for your routine. For example, if you are a working mom in a community group supporting working moms, but you are supporting more than being supported, you might need to investigate what might be contributing to that dynamic. If we are seeking community within community care, we have to check the parts of ourselves that might slow that connection piece down.

It’s okay to want to gain something out of community care, that’s okay! However, you want to make sure that you are giving contribution and that the environment is set up for connection. If you are wanting to build friendships, a volunteer group might not be the first aspect of community care. Volunteering can still be community care if the activity feels values aligned, builds a sense of connectedness, and gives you more energy. Intention and Expectation setting keeps both parties aligned and working towards that community goal.

15+ Community Care Ideas (Groups, etc)

  • Community Groups Associated with Podcasts (look on Facebook or Show Notes of the Podcast)
  • Local Run/Walk Club
  • Create or Join a Local Group for your Profession
  • Chamber of Commerce or Small Business Networking Events
  • Coworking Spaces
  • Book Clubs or Faith-Based Book Studies
  • Adult Recreational Sports Leagues
  • Child’s School PTA or Room Parent
  • Fitness Classes or Local Community Gym
  • High School, College, or Training Program Alumni Groups
  • Volunteer Groups (Animal Shelter, Food Bank, Community Garden, Political Campaigns)
  • Dog Park
  • Local Coffee Shops
  • Special Interest Groups (sports, games, TV shows, hobbies, etc)
  • Community Classes (art, cooking, etc)
  • Host a Monthly Get Together and Invite Friends from Various Friend Groups
  • Neighborhood Meetings

15+ Community Care Actions (Things to build connection)

  • Write encouraging notes on post-its and give to coworkers
  • Host a food, coat or hygiene item drive
  • Bring coffee or treats to a meetup or work
  • Chit-Chat with parents at sport practices or pickup line
  • Participating in a protest or community action event
  • Send “thinking of you” texts when someone crosses your mind
  • Offer to connect peers (business contacts, neighborhood friends, etc)
  • Share resources (bring extra food or flowers from garden, teach others a skill, etc)
  • Engage in acts of kindness (letting someone into traffic, offering to pick up a meal for someone)
  • Participate in active listening and focus on offering support over advice
  • Ask for help! (even small asks like for a tool or help choosing an outfit)
  • Celebrate the wins of others
  • Be honest when someone asks “how are you”
  • Offer compliments
  • Hype up a friend’s business on your social media
  • Send memes to your friends
  • Reply to peer’s social media content instead of lurking
  • Ask those in your community how you can support them
  • Host a clothing swap
  • Mentor or Tutor Youth in the Community
  • Offer to teach a workshop
  • Volunteer at Nursing homes

Bringing It All Together

When we are burned out, it is easy to isolate or avoid moments for support or connection. Creating and scheduling opportunities to connect with others at various levels builds upon our innate need to be with others.

To help you stay on track with all of your self care and community care ideas, the Nine to Kind Possibility Planner has note taking pages and self care ideas. Learn more about the Possibility Planner and Daily Notepad in the shop!

List of Articles Referenced