Are you unintentionally fueling urgency culture in your own life? If you felt a little cringe just now, that’s a sign you might be relying on urgency more than you realize. In a world where something is always demanding our attention, our nervous systems stay on high alert, constantly scanning for the next fire to put out. Over time, overwhelm becomes the default, and we start using urgency to clarify what’s important—because suddenly, everything feels important.

But here’s the thing: survival mode isn’t the enemy. It’s a necessary state that helps us push through tough seasons. The problem? Most of us don’t recognize when we’re stuck in it or when it’s time to transition out of it. Instead, we apply the same crisis-level strategies to everything—leaving us burned out and feeling behind.

I used to pride myself on being someone who thrived in emergency situations and worked well under pressure. In fact, I was a DBT therapist offering intersession phone coaching for nearly a decade (talk about urgency). There’s something to be said for the clarity that comes when the situation prioritizes for us. But what I didn’t realize was that I was treating everything—including something as simple as choosing dinner—like a make-or-break decision. My ability to make clear, confident choices was being depleted by constantly operating in survival mode.

So, how do you know when survival mode is helping vs. when it’s keeping you stuck?This week’s blog explores how to navigate survival mode intentionally. Since life is unpredictable, prepping for challenges makes sense. But discernment is key—not every situation requires a survival-mode response. We’ll define the different operating modes, learn how to shift out of survival mode, and explore when to let go of crisis-driven strategies.

The Role of Survival Mode: When It Helps vs. When It Hurts

Before you think I’m about to trash urgency—let’s take a step back. We need urgency. It’s a built-in survival mechanism that has kept humans alive for centuries. Imagine being in a room with a tiger and thinking, “Hmm… what’s for lunch?” Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Being able to respond effectively in emergencies is part of our biological wiring. Our nervous system’s reward system (the parasympathetic nervous system with excitatory activation) kicks in to help us problem-solve, gain control, and stay goal-directed. This isn’t a function we want to lose—it’s one we want to understand and use intentionally.The key is learning the difference between helpful survival mode and harmful survival mode. Below, we’ll break down two very different types:

Intentional & Engaged Survival Mode

Everyone needs a Henry in their life. My husband, Henry, is known among our friends as the collected doer—the calm, reliable one who gets things done. A true jack of all trades, his steady energy has been the balance to my more rambunctious ways.

But when intentional survival mode is needed? I become the Henry.

One day, we were driving when my son was gifted a sucker (yep, you know where this is going). My spidey senses told me I needed to be mindful of what was happening in the backseat. Sure enough, moments later, my little dude started coughing—bits of the sucker caught in his throat. In seconds, we were pulled over, my kid was out of the car, and the sucker was dislodged before my husband even had time to unbuckle.

This is intentional, engaged survival mode in action. My pursuit system was fully activated:

• My focus was crystal clear (the goal was making sure my son could breathe).
• My voice was firm and direct (no hesitation).
• My actions were decisive and immediate (no second-guessing).
• Distractions? Nonexistent.

My husband realized that day that if things were about to go down, we were the dream team.

Signs You’re in Intentional Survival Mode

In the Moment:

• You are fully aware of the goal in front of you.
• You can articulate necessary information clearly.
• Your body feels tense but manageable—it’s an energy that drives rather than paralyzes you.
• Your actions feel firm but not forced.
• Your vision is clear, and you know exactly what needs to be done.

If You’re in a Season of Intentional Survival Mode:

• You’re making calculated decisions, even under pressure.
• You’re working with the information available, adjusting when necessary.
• You can take in the big picture and weigh pros and cons.
• You’re open to feedback but firm on your stance.
• You recognize both positive and negative outcomes and make space for them.
• You embody a sense of pace—you’re pushing forward, but not recklessly.

Key Takeaway: Intentional survival mode isn’t comfortable or enjoyable—but it’s effective. It drives us toward action and safety. However, even intentional survival mode has limits. Operating in this mode for too long will take a toll, which is why we need strategies for working with this state instead of staying stuck in it. (More on that later!)

Disconnected & Disengaged Survival Mode

Now, let’s talk about the opposite end of the spectrum—survival mode that feels productive but actually isn’t.

Listen, we don’t talk enough about the pressures of wedding planning. There was a morning when I woke up in a full sweat, panicking about table linens. That single worry triggered a spiral of worst-case scenarios—everything from guest list drama to the existential crisis of whether or not I was even a “wedding person.”

My husband found me deep in a research rabbit hole, breaking down the cost of linens down to the penny. While weddings are expensive, the mental energy I was spending on minute details was wildly out of proportion to the actual impact they would have.This is disconnected and disengaged survival mode—when your brain fixates on details that don’t actually help you move forward.

Signs You’re in Disconnected & Disengaged Survival Mode

In the Moment:

• Your body is operating in one of two extremes:
  • Highly Activated (restless, racing heart, like a motor is running inside you).
  • Deactivated (numb, shut down, dissociated).
• You’re taking in information but aren’t sure if it’s actually useful.
• You’re aware that you’re overwhelmed, but you can’t put it into words.
• Your actions feel misdirected and uncertain.
• Your vision is muddy, and you keep collecting information “just in case.”

If You’re in a Season of Disconnected Survival Mode:

• You feel busy but aren’t sure what you’re actually accomplishing.
• You’re anxious because everything feels all or nothing.
• You feel unsafe in your decisions—like you can’t trust yourself.
• Your mind is filled with situations to rehearse (aka the overthinking Olympics).
• Decision fatigue is constant.
• Every response feels reactive—like you’re running on autopilot.

Key Takeaway: Disconnected survival mode keeps us stuck rather than moving forward. It tricks us into believing we’re making progress when we’re actually just exhausting ourselves.

What Happens When Disconnected Survival Mode Goes Unchecked?

In Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RO-DBT), these two states are called:

• Fixed Mind: “There is only one right answer, and I refuse to change.”
• Fatalistic Mind: “Nothing matters, so why even try?”

When left unchecked, we operate from a rigid place with no room for new possibilities. We either cling to the illusion of control (Fixed Mind) or give up completely (Fatalistic Mind). But here’s the good news: there’s a way out.

Later in this blog, we’ll explore how to shift out of survival mode, how to discern when survival strategies are necessary, and how to prep for tough times without burning out.Stay tuned—we’re about to get into the strategy side of things.

Embracing Nuance: The Key to Managing Survival Mode

When assessing survival mode, consider these three key factors that shape your ability to handle stress, make decisions, and create a sustainable plan.

1. Supports: Define Your Support System as It Is, Not as You Wish It Were

Why It Matters: Knowing who and what you can rely on before you need support prevents scrambling for help in a moment of crisis.

Questions to Ask:

• Who are my hype people (those who encourage and uplift me)?
• Who are the practical problem-solvers in my life?
• Who can step in at a moment’s notice?
• What are the potential costs (emotional, financial, logistical) of asking for help?
• Are there support systems I’ve overlooked?
• Who are my top 1-3 supports?

Reflection: Defining your support system can bring up feelings of discomfort, grief, or even frustration. Many of us wish we had stronger support networks or that certain relationships could provide more than they do. That’s why proactively understanding your support system now—for what it actually is—helps prevent unnecessary stress when you need to activate intentional survival mode.

2. Capacity: Clarify Your Baseline & Current Bandwidth

Why It Matters: Your capacity changes daily—what you could handle last month might feel impossible today. Recognizing your true bandwidth prevents overcommitment, burnout, and unrealistic expectations.

Questions to Ask:

• How much is on my plate on a day-to-day basis?
• How is my health right now? (physical, mental, emotional)
• How heavy is my mental load?
• Am I connected enough to my body and being to define this?
• Am I underestimating or overestimating my capacity?
• If I need to extend myself, is there space in my life to recharge afterward?

Reflection: Because capacity fluctuates, it’s helpful to pre-identify situations that may impact it. Examples:

• Chronic health flare-ups
• Busy seasons at work
• Relationship stress
• Major life transitions (moving, new job, new baby, etc.)

Having realistic expectations for yourself allows for better decision-making and energy management.

3. Resources: Assess Your Material & Financial Supports

Why It Matters: Resources aren’t just about money—they include time, space, stability, and access to necessities. Understanding your resources helps prevent financial or logistical crises.

Questions to Ask:

• What is my budget? Do I have discretionary funds?
• Is there a financial safety net I could access if needed? What are the pros and cons?
• Are my resources reliable? (Ex: Is my car dependable? Is my income stable?)
• Are there resources I could use but hesitate to?
• Am I managing my resources in the best way for my current needs?
• What resources do I often forget I have? (Ex: freezer meals, subscriptions, community programs)
• How safe is my job right now? Are there accommodations I should consider?
• If needed, are there ways I could increase my income?
• Is there anyone I could consult about financial or material resources?

Reflection: Money and resources carry emotional weight—they can trigger feelings of stress, anxiety, or even shame. The key is approaching these reflections with self-compassion. You’re doing the best you can with what you have. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s clarity.

How These 3 Factors Shape Survival Mode

These three factors—supports, capacity, and resources—determine your ability to respond effectively in times of stress. By regularly assessing them, you can:

• Make proactive decisions instead of reactive ones.
• Create a survival plan that actually fits your current reality.
• Recognize when you need to shift out of survival mode.

A Simple Exercise to Try Today

💡 Take 5 minutes to reflect:

• What’s ONE area where you already feel supported?
• What’s ONE area where you need to rethink your approach?

This simple reflection can help you start making small shifts—because awareness is the first step toward sustainable survival mode.

Compassionate Call-Outs: Questions to Shift from Overwhelm to Strategy

When we’re caught in survival mode, everything feels urgent. But not everything is urgent. The key to strategic problem-solving (instead of reactive spiraling) is pausing long enough to assess what’s actually happening.

These five compassionate call-out questions will help you determine whether you’re in intentional survival mode (where you’re making clear, effective decisions) or disengaged survival mode (where you’re caught in overwhelm and reactivity).

5 Questions to Shift from Survival Mode to Strategy

• What is actually urgent vs. what just feels urgent?
  • Does this truly require immediate action, or is my nervous system just sounding the alarm?
• What’s the bare minimum I need to feel stable right now?
  • If I could only do one thing today to support myself, what would it be?
• Am I adding things to my list because I think I should or because I need to?
  • Where am I operating from pressure instead of necessity?
• What’s one small action I can take today that would make things easier for Future Me?
  • What’s a low-lift decision I can make now that will reduce stress later?
• Am I planning based on my ideal circumstances or my real circumstances?
  • Am I expecting myself to operate at full capacity when I only have 40% in the tank?

How to Use These Questions Effectively

Take a Practical, Objective Stance – Approach these questions as if you were helping a friend rather than judging yourself.

Watch for Inner Critic or Shutdown Mode – If your inner critic starts getting cynical (“This won’t help, I don’t have time for this”) or you feel an urge to shut down (“This is too much, I’ll deal with it later”), pause and take a breath. These reactions are signals—not stop signs.

Revisit These Questions Often – Survival mode isn’t a one-time challenge. These questions can be a daily or weekly check-in tool to help you navigate stress without falling into autopilot.

A Simple Challenge

Take one minute right now to answer just one of these questions. Small moments of reflection lead to big shifts over time.

What Survival Mode Looks Like When the World Feels on Fire

If you’re a millennial, you’ve likely lived through “unprecedented times” more times than you can count. The constant cycle of crisis and uncertainty has shaped the way we prepare for the future—sometimes pushing us toward over-prepping or, on the other hand, shutting down completely.

As a therapist, I’ve watched conversations in my sessions evolve. Clinicians are now getting curious about feelings like overwhelm, health anxiety, political strife, and financial insecurity. What used to be situations where we could simply “check the facts” now require us to be more engaged and intentional.

So, how do we honor the heavy fears of everyday life while also staying engaged with what’s good?

Enter: Mindful Prepping.

Mindful prepping isn’t about panic, fear, or worst-case scenario thinking—it’s about creating small systems of support so you can feel more stable, no matter what comes your way. Here’s what that can look like…

11 Ways to Be a Mindful Prepper (Without the Overwhelm)

1. Diligently Review Your Budget & Scale Back

Why? Convenience services like Amazon Prime and DoorDash make it easy to overspend without realizing it.

 Try This:

• Track where your money is going and identify small cutbacks.
• I stopped using DoorDash and started meal prepping lunches, saving me hundreds of dollars a month.

2. Build a Stockpile, Brick by Brick

Why? Emergencies happen—but you don’t have to prep for them all at once.
Try This:

• Consult the weather risks in your area and create a basic emergency kit (batteries, flashlights, water, first aid).
• With food prices increasing, buy 1-2 extra non-perishable items (beans, rice, canned goods) when you grocery shop.
• Keep a backup of frequently used medications (allergy meds, Tylenol, etc.).
• Learn simple food storage skills (freezer meals, reusing jars, batch cooking).

3. Check & Organize Your Important Documents

Why? In a crisis, scrambling for documents adds unnecessary stress.
Try This:

• Make sure you have copies of critical documents (birth certificates, home/car titles, living wills, passports, medical directives, insurance policies).
• Store them in a secure but accessible location—consider both digital and physical copies.

4. Reacquaint Yourself with Community Resources

Why? There are free and low-cost resources available—you just have to know where to look.
Try This:

• Get your library card (many libraries offer free access to books, online courses, and job resources).
• Look into free health screenings (many communities offer dental, vision, and breast cancer screenings).
• Explore small business grants and local events if you’re a business owner.
• Find volunteer opportunities to build connections and community.

 5. Learn a Practical Skill

Why? Self-sufficiency reduces stress and builds confidence.
Try This:

Pick one skill to learn in the next three months:

• Building a fire
• Cooking from scratch
• Gardening
• Sewing or mending clothes
• CPR & First Aid

6. Protect Your Digital & Financial Security

Why? Digital safety is as important as physical safety in today’s world.
Try This:

• Review where your personal data is stored and shared.
• Use a password manager and change passwords regularly.
• Check your credit score and freeze it if needed.

 7. Start Saving—Even If It’s Small

Why? $10 a week is better than nothing at all.
Try This:

• If you don’t have a retirement or emergency savings plan, start with whatever is possible.
• Automate small transfers to savings each month (even $5 adds up over time!).

8. Set a Home & Car Maintenance Schedule

Why? Preventative maintenance reduces future emergencies.
Try This:

Set phone reminders for things like:

• Oil changes
• Air filter replacements
• Dryer vent cleanings
• Tire rotations
• Checking home safety devices (smoke detectors, carbon monoxide alarms)

9. Make an Emergency Communication Plan

Why? If something happens personally or globally, knowing your communication plan helps reduce panic.
Try This:

• Let your friends know if they are listed as an emergency contact in your phone.
• Exchange emergency contacts with close friends (partners, parents, chosen family).
• Have a phone tree plan in case of power outages or service disruptions.

10. Strengthen Your Job Security

Why? Job stability isn’t guaranteed, but being proactive about your career can help you stay prepared for shifts in the economy or workplace.
Try This:

• Create & Maintain a LinkedIn Profile
• Update Your Resume Annually
• Track Your Wins & Contributions
• Network Twice a Year (Minimum!)

11. The Most Important Part: Give Yourself Credit

The goal of mindful prepping isn’t to control the future—it’s to offer yourself peace of mind knowing you’ve taken small, intentional steps to care for your future self.

Prepping with PACE, Not Panic

If you’re anything like me, you might feel the urge to hit the ground running after reading this blog. But here’s the thing—the key to making this sustainable is PACE.

These tasks aren’t meant to be tackled all at once—they’re meant to be sprinkled in over time. Every small effort step counts and deserves to be celebrated.

Your challenge this week:

• Pick one or two areas where you will mindfully prep—nothing more.
• Consider bringing a friend along for the process. Sharing ideas and resources makes everything easier and more enjoyable.

And if you need help keeping track of what actually matters, the Nine to Kind Possibility Planner is designed to help you prep without overwhelm. Check it out in the shop!