No shade to Brene Brown, but we can acknowledge that her work has been helpful with increasing dialogue around mental health in the mainstream. Her books are often the go-to for perfectionists and people pleasers with her core messages with normalizing shame and encouraging vulnerability.

However, if you are wanting a new perspective or want books written from more diverse perspectives, we compiled a list of our top 12 self help books. Self Care is not one size fits all, and we believe that the content we take in should not be either! Our list includes books involving boundaries, perfectionists, body image, hustle culture, burnout, and self care (the real self care). Take a peek and make sure you bookmark this blog for the next time you are looking for your next self help read!

What To Keep In Mind When Getting A Self Help Book

With personal development and self help books gaining popularity over the years, there’s been some “backlash” and skepticism around the category. Listen, we get it. A lot of books promise easy solutions or can come across as patronizing. Like everything in life, some things just aren’t for us and that’s okay! To help make the most of your time, money and energy, here’s some general guidelines for choosing a self help book.

• Check Your Headspace: Are you getting this book in the midst of a shame spiral? You might want to give it a moment. Keep the book in the cart or on a to-read list before diving in. You don’t have to wait until feeling “better” but getting a book at rock bottom might set some unfair expectations when reading it. Once you are in a more present place (even if it is 10% more than before) then start.
• Identify Your Intention: Be honest with yourself. Are you in a place to hit the ground running or are you in a place of wanting to mainly take the information in? Set your intention and be mindful when there is the urge to “do” or “be” more.
• Consider Balance: There are many ways to balance your intake. Set a time limit, or take turns reading the self help book with something “lighter.” We want to focus on going about self development in a paced and engaged manner.
• Unsure? Listen to a Chapter First: Use apps like Libby, Spotify, or Hoopla to listen to a chapter. If you are more of a paper reader, many online stores have a chapter to preview. Don’t push yourself to commit to a book if you are unsure. On the opposite side, if there are resources to access the book for free…give it a try and be willing to put it back if you don’t like it.
• Remember-You ARE NOT the Problem: We are imperfect humans that sometimes don’t know or don’t do “better.” Reading self help or self development books are not a chance to beat yourself up. This is about opening ourselves us to the process of learning and experimenting with life.

Side Note: If you want a planner that helps you embody the principles of these books into your daily life, check out the Nine to Kind Possibility Planner!

Now let’s get into the list!

If You Are Wanting to Embrace Perfectionism…

The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control by Katherine Morgan Schafler

Full disclosure, the first time I read this book I had to take a step back because I was so envious at how Katherine Morgan Schalfer was able to write the book I wish I could. Katherine’s take on perfectionism is validating and not shaming by any means. Schalfer speaks to the nitty gritty experiences of perfectionism and how we can help ourselves operate as an adaptive perfectionist. The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control speaks so clearly into the inner workings of a perfectionist you might assume she was able to exist within your brain.

The best part of her book is how she breaks down the five types of perfectionists (Messy, Classic, Intense, Parisian, or Procrastinator) and the many forms we can experience perfectionism. Once you take in the information, you will be able to tag your unhelpful perfectionism as it is happening so you can shift away from it.

While we do claim to be the “Anti-Perfectionism Planner,” we truly believe adaptive perfectionism can do a lot of good in our lives. This book takes us from the all-or-nothing of maladaptive perfectionism into the vibrantly colored middle of adaptive perfectionism. You will feel motivated to reclaim your perfectionism and begin finding meaning in the process of life.

If You Are Ready to Be A Boundary Queen…

Set Boundaries. Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab

Set Boundaries, Find Peace the gives a solid overview on the topic of boundaries. Nedra Glover Tawwab is able to speak to the people pleaser who needs a full grasp on boundaries and exactly how to set them. If you follow her on Instagram, her book will feel like a solid reference book of her content (without having to scroll). Her workbook offers more concrete applications of boundaries, with the ability to tailor them into your life.

What might be most powerful is the reminder that boundaries are for US and that boundary setting is not meant to break relationships. If you tend to be an overthinker that needs the concept simplified, this book will be a good fit. Overall, this book is helpful for those needing a digestible way to learn about boundaries.

If You Want a Realistic Perspective on Self Care…

Real Self Care by Pooja Lakshmin, MD

With the commodification of wellness, Dr. Pooja Lakshmin cuts through the crap of “superficial “faux” self care and offers a refreshing take on the concept. Addressing both the systemic and individual issues that exist within self care, this book normalizes the ways in which we have been let down by the promises of self care. It offers content about the mindset and the action steps related to our own personal self care. Real Self Care is honest and the book many of us have been searching for.

Since we love boring self care around here, her acknowledgement of “real” self care is greatly appreciated and embraced. This book goes into all the things people pleasers, overachievers and perfectionists need to incorporate into their self care routines…the fun and not fun stuff. Dr. Lakshmin speaks into our desire to have all our actions make sense, while offering room for flexibility.

This book is solid for someone who “knows” about self care but feels like it hasn’t worked for them. For someone who acknowledges how systemic issues play into burnout, it offers the information along with gradual steps we can take to minimize systemic impact. There is also an emphasis on community care, which is a type of self care that is not widely discussed in self help books. Real Self Care would be considered a deeper look into the concepts that support and get in the way of effective self care.

If You Miss Your Creative Side…

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

Before you skim by this because it is about creativity, let it be known that Julia Cameron believes that we all use creativity in our day to day lives. This book is great for the perfectionists who feel behind the scenes and like they could be “doing more.” If you are someone who is living between their two ears and needs more experiences, this book is a fantastic guide.

The Artist’s Way is a 12 week program that consists of two types of exercises: morning pages and artist dates. In short, this is a boot camp on challenging your perfectionism and inner critic. She speaks some hard truths that anyone with a tendency to air towards perfectionism needs to hear. By not only reflecting on your thinking patterns, but also engaging in active exercises, there is much opportunity for personal growth. If you are wanting to experience a compassionate call out, Cameron’s writing style is that.

Please Note: There is language that relates to spirituality, but the author offers alternative ways of perceiving the concept.

If You Are Feeling Like You Lost Yourself…

Homecoming by Thema Bryant, PhD

Dr. Thema Bryant’s book Homecoming is very much an embodiment of her warm and personable approach. Dr. Bryant speaks to the concept of “disconnect” and how that can show up in our daily lives. Much of our once helpful (now unhelpful) coping can be connected to deep hurts, and this book speaks to both the hurt and the coping. When we feel like we can never get better, we need a voice that speaks to us like they have been there and on the side of healing. Dr. Bryant’s perspective feels like someone who is walking right alongside you and offering a hug at any moment.

This book really digs into trauma and how that can be a significant influence in our life. If you feel like you can’t shake that feeling of shame or find yourself playing small, this book will speak to you. For those more seasoned in their personal healing or personal development journey, her content feels like a higher level course. This book is filled with prompts and reflection questions that you can carry beyond your reading.

Note: She is also an ordained minister, and some have found the religious tones not helpful for them, but others have been able to adapt it to their perspective.

If You Feel Like You Have Been An Adult Your Whole Life…

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents is an opportunity to fully acknowledge the impact of your upbringing, even if your caregivers were “doing their best.” This honest but caring book speaks to how overthinkers and overdoers interact in relationships, and highlights areas for possible growth. This book is not all about “blaming” but acknowledging that your habits like people pleasing, overachieving, minimizing, and defending have been cumulative…therefore not an overnight fix. Also, the “parents” part of the title can be applied to any influential adult in your childhood.

This book is more about gaining insight and perhaps offering a kinder perspective to your inner child. It can feel like jumping into the deep end of the pool, but her validating tone and explanations are solid flotation devices as you read. You might finish the book wanting more action steps (see other books on this list for that) but the experience of having your experience articulated so clearly can be healing.

If You Want To Feel Less Alone…

How We Heal by Alexandra Elle

This book is a multifaceted, multi-perspective collection of journal prompts, poetry, and interviews. Less scientific, more experiential. It is said that we heal through connection, and Alexandra Elle’s account of healing processes can help garner that sense of connection while reading. Sometimes we need a less tactical read, but a more illustrative account of what we might be experiencing as we heal. This book is that illustrator.

If you are a person who enjoys writing or journaling, this book is a solid companion for your journaling practices. Also included are meditations, which if you have been hesitant to try can be helpful alongside journaling. This book is aesthetically pleasing too, making it a good gift for someone on their own healing journey.

If Your Therapist Said You Need Mental Flexibility…

The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is one of the therapy modalities that influences the Nine to Kind Possibility Planner. The Happiness Trap is a classic book that takes the concepts of ACT and puts them into practical practices. Less fluff, more coaching-esque, The Happiness Trap speaks to those wanting in the moment action steps when they are feeling stuck. This book is less about taking in the information, but more about trying the exercises to build muscle memory.

The tone of the book is meant to be more direct to keep readers from going down the rumination train and more into the mindset of experimentation. Myself and my clients have used it as more of a reference guide rather than a front to back read. However, if you aren’t familiar with ACT or working with a therapist who uses ACT, reading it through first with the intention of revisiting can be helpful. This book can be helpful alongside a more in-depth or narrative book (ex: Homecoming or Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents) to help you move into more movement/embodiment.

ACT’s concepts can also be applied to any ongoing habit we want to develop. There is a formulaic nature to ACT, which offers structure when our life might feel out of control. Also there is an Illustrated Edition of the book if you are more of a visual learner.

If You Are Exhausted and Stuck…

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski, PhD and Amelia Nagoski, DMA

THIS. BOOK. Burnout is one of the books I that gets the most positive feedback in my practice. It satiates the side of us that wants to understand (science) burnout while also having the action steps (exercises) to work through it. The Nagoski sisters have a knack for taking in-depth concepts and making them read like a beach read (in a good way). Burnout has been a game-changer in my personal burnout management journey.

Burnout stresses how we must work through the stress cycle to begin feeling some relief. The concept is much needed in a world where we can so easily get into a functional freeze state or just numb out. This book is a much needed reminder that while we are full of emotions, emotions are biological experiences too! It stresses that if we treat our problems as actual problems (instead of ignoring or numbing) we can chip away at the overwhelming sense of burnout.

Critics of the book mainly disagree with the conversational nature of their writing, however their tone is what makes this book accessible. It feels like one of those conversations you might have while watching The Bachelor and wondering why you don’t want to go to work tomorrow. Don’t let the casual tone fool you, there is a lot of information to digest and action steps to implement.

If You Want a Body Image Workbook That’s Sassy Like You…

Body Talk by Katie Sturino

Body Talk is a beautiful book with a beautiful message: you body is NOT the problem. For perfectionists, our body can be a go-to for criticism, and Sturino’s anecdotes make for easy recollection on crappy body image days. Complete with illustrations of affirmations, worksheets, and candor, Katie Sturino’s account of her lived experience in a bigger body goes beyond weight and addresses body image and body function as a whole. Body Talk’s layout is gorgeous and you might feel compelled to rip out and frame some of the illustrations contained within the book.

This book discusses the concept of body positivity but in a nuanced way. For many, doing the work in relation to our bodies can feel overwhelming. Sturino’s book acknowledges this and focuses on offering the broad concepts in a memorable way. She addresses how many of us have been influenced by diet culture and thin-centric perspectives since childhood, again acknowledging that some of these thinking patterns are cumulative in nature.

Part pep talk, part hug, Body Talk is a quick and supportive read. Keep in mind that body grief is a real experience and while the book is aired more towards empowerment, you might need to sit in the grief first. The layout also makes it easy to visit and revisit depending on where we are in our journey with our bodies.

If You Need Your Nervous System to Catch Up…

The Science of Stuck by Britt Frank, LCSW

I don’t know how she did it, but Britt Frank somehow brought neuroscience, somatic experiencing and IFS work all together in a way that does not bog one down. Science of Stuck was actually recommended to me by a client and it has been a staple in my practice since. Science of Stuck has a relatable tone with memorable metaphors to help us better understand our nervous system.

If you are someone who feels like the brain and the body aren’t connecting the way they should be, this book offers an avenue to start the reconnection. This book is great for those who feel overwhelmed with their nervous system, yet also struggle with the idea of “calm.” If you are wanting to build momentum without going into overdrive, the Science of Stuck will be a helpful guide. An accompanying workbook was recently released, making it a good option for a book club or group activity.

If You Are Wondering Why You Can’t Do It All…

Fair Play by Eve Rodsky

Be prepared to be equal parts frustrated and motivated. Eve Rodsky opens the conversation about the “mental load” and offers direction to build more equity in the home. The language and concepts can be bridged into any partnership or collaboration that needs realignment.

Fair Play might take some warming up to, especially if you are the one carrying the mental load and asking your partner to come in. The documentary on Apple TV might be an easier entry point for both parties. What is important to note is that Fair Play is about acknowledging that many of us overthinkers and overdoers fell into these roles because “that’s just what we do.” The idea of bringing balance might be less about sharing the load, but having more empathy and support when things are left undone.

How to Stay On Track When Reading Self Help Books

Much like what was said earlier in the blog, there are many reasons why perfectionists sometimes get stuck in reading self help books. It happens and honestly, expect your inner critic to get a little buck wild when reading. Here is a quick refresher of how to keep your perfectionist in check while reading.

• PACE yourself: When information is fresh on our mind, we might have the urge to implement the change strategies quickly. Pace yourself by having time between reading and implementation (24+ hours), clarify your starting points for change, and have an accountability partner for calming the overhaul.
• Acknowledge the CRITIC, but don’t entertain it: We are reading to learn, so when we get those A-HA moments we need to focus on celebration! There can be grief for what could have been prevented with this information, but beating ourselves up is far from helpful. Recognize the motivation for change while reminding yourself that you are worthy in both contexts.
• Focus on YOU: Listen, there are probably a lot of people in our lives that also need to work on the same things. Thinking of others can be helpful for digesting the information, but we must enact change in US for the new concepts to stick. Unless they ask to come along, don’t force anyone to change.
• Take BREAKS: If you are closing the book more discouraged and stuck, take a break to revisit later. The information might not be pertinent to your present, or you need to get in a different headspace to take the information in. There is nothing wrong with holding space with yourself.

Self Help books are great companions on our healing journeys and hopefully this list brought you some inspiration for your next guide! The Nine to Kind Possibility Planner has messaging very much in line with the books on this list. If you’re ready for a planner that doesn’t make you feel like crap and eases you into a more mindful life, take a look in our shop!