You know that meme where Ryan Gosling’s character is begging Rachel McAdams (I know celeb names over character names and I’m not apologizing for it) for what she wants? Where it has become the universal meme for the debate about what’s for dinner (E X H A U S T I N G) it truly represents where a lot of overthinkers and overdoers struggle.

We don’t want to be let down so we set the expectations on the ground. Where that tactic can help us feel safe, it blocks our creativity and openness to new ideas.

All-or-Nothing Thinking is one of the infamous thinking patters we are often taught to not engage in. I agree with the sentiment, and if we learn a new way to use this thinking pattern we might find even more possibilities.

The Process for Finding Possibilities (adapted from RODBT Flexible Mind)

1. Find the area where you are stuck. Identify the belief, the emotion, the action urges, and other assumptions that correlate with this belief. This is your starting point.
2. From there ask yourself “If I knew it was a guarantee, what would I want?” It is common for us to edit while brainstorming so be mindful of urges to eliminate ideas. Let your mind run wild and be a bit impractical with your ideas.
3. Now you can edit and game plan. Look at all the options in between and see if you can find a blend of the solutions you brainstormed.

This exercise is actually one of my favorites to use in session because a lot of times, there is a twinge of joy experienced when someone voices what they actually want. Saying the ideas out loud also make room for creative compromises. We feel less bad about the compromise because we considered our big ask as an option (which validates the want in itself).

Who would have thought that All or Nothing thinking would actually help us?

Curious about how the Nine to Kind Possibilty Planner can support you on your perfectionism recovery journey? Learn more in the shop!