Do you think about self care a lot, but never really do it? You’re not alone! Self care shouldn’t be…but often is…complicated. It takes time, money, energy, and support to truly engage with it on a frequent basis. Despite the investment, self care is a much needed act for overthinkers and overdoers. We need time to fully rest and reset. Self Care is not just about making ourselves more prepared to achieve more. Self care is needed as a respite, a reminder that we can just be and not be on. To help you build and stay engaged in a self care routine, we are going to break down common barriers to self care and offer some ways to work through it!

Self Care Barrier #1: I don’t have time!

I believe you! There are some days where I don’t want to even imagine adding another thing to my plate. Self care can feel frivolous and like a luxury. We need to adopt the mindset that self care is essential, and get creative with how we go about it.

Suggestion: Focus on “incorporated self care” or “temptation bundling”

Incorporated self care is one of my favorite self care hacks. Incorporated self care are things you can bring into your day to day life. This will require increased attention and mindful intention in the moment because incorporated self care is often suggested to break the mundane. Temptation bundling is the concept of adding in something nice with a task we would rather not do. This can even become a consistent ritual (for example: saving specific audiobook or show for the carpool pickup) so you have something to look forward to.

Examples of incorporated Self Care and Temptation Bundling:

• Carrying a book or magazine with you at all times and reading while waiting for appointments
• Calling a friend while commuting
• Keeping a nice lotion in your bag to use when on the go
• Take advantage of public spaces like parks, parking lots, and libraries
• Having sweets or your favorite candies around the home, office or in your bag
• Have a crafting basket next to the couch (replace scrolling with coloring, knitting, etc)
• Bookmark 10-15 minute mindful yoga flows and do them at your office
• Wearing 1 earbud (or both) playing an audiobook, sporting event, podcast, etc while cleaning or doing routine things with kids
• Stretching while watching TV
• Watching a TV show while in the carpool line waiting for pickup
• Having your favorite drink while folding laundry
• Have a small bouquet of flowers in your bathroom
• Get a comfortable robe to wear while getting ready or around the house
  and much more!

This might require specific boundaries and compromises (ex: letting kids have more screentime to finish a chapter // having specific times meetings are not taken to have a movement break) and might need to adapt to the needs of the moment. The question to keep in mind is “is there any way I can add in some self care while I do this?”

Self Care Barrier #2: I don’t have the energy…I just want to check out.

Checking out and self care are two very different things. Self care is supposed to fill us up or offer a release of stress. Checking out is letting ourselves shut down and mentally go to la-la land. There can be a benefit to mindfully checking out, like going to bed early or playing the quiet game for 10 minutes. Sometimes we are so overloaded that self care that’s active would put us over the edge. To help reduce overwhelm, focusing on the body for self care is the better route.

Suggestion: Low impact self care/body based self care

Examples include:

• Closing your eyes for a power nap
• Sensory deprivation (ear plugs, dimming lights, eye mask)
• Laying on the ground
• Holding ice
• Sitting outside in the sun
• Putting your bare feet on grass
• Sitting or laying under blankets or a weighted blanket
• Deep breathing exercises

Orienting ourselves to mindful and quick rest will help us incorporate this practice even more, rather than waiting on bedtime or vacation time.

Self Care Barrier #3: Self Care is so dang expensive!

Self care in this economy? Self Care having to be luxurious is probably one of the biggest misconceptions of self care. Part of this is also undoing our beliefs that we might be internalizing when it comes to consumerism and capitalism. Free or cheap does not devalue the potential impact of your self care.

Suggestion: Low cost or free self care

• Libby and Hoopla are apps through your local library that give you access to audio books and e-books.
• Magazine subscriptions can be purchased with your credit card points or at a low rate. Bonus-a new issue comes every month, making your self care convinent!
• Used book stores often carry art supples, board games, puzzles (SO MANY PUZZLES) and other items outside of books!
• Succulents or air plants are low maintenance and can be affordable!
• Rearrange a room or declutter a closet
• TedTalks!
• Stargazing or cloud gazing
• Local Cosmetology schools for a blowout, facial, manicure or massage
• Charity workout classes (donation based and are often for new instructors to get comfortable)
• Pinterest!
• Museums (check out when they do in-state or local discounts)
• Rereading a book (highlight favorite quotes or write your thoughts in the margins)
• Doing nothing 🙂

Self Care Barrier #4: I usually feel worse because of the guilt.

This one is a doozy and is probably a whole other blog! People pleasers and overachievers typically struggle with self care because of the “self” part. Serving ourselves is not a negative thing! Like many behaviors if overdone or not skillfully executed can impact our relationships. If your guilt is coming more from a place of procrastination, then it’s about the placement and timing of self care. Keeping it time limited, followed by the avoided task, or incorporated then makes self care a part of your day or routine (not solely a distraction).

Suggestion: Self Compassion and Compassionate Accountability

In my time of working as a therapist, never has anyone ever gotten better through immense self guilt and beating themselves up. Guilt in a healthy form is acknowledging the potential impacts that self care will have on others (ex: coming home late so you can workout). Self Compassion must be practiced in order to make self care something you will actually feel better doing. At its simplest, self compassion is speaking to yourself in a neutral or kind manner, being objective in your observations, and engaging in tasks that build you up instead of breaking down. Compassionate accountability is an off-shoot of this concept. This can be with yourself or with others, compassionate accountability is focused on natural consequences, clear parameters, and asking for support.

Examples of self compassion:

• Finish this sense “it makes sense you feel this way because…”
• Talk to yourself the way you would a friend
• Using objective language (“I am having a bad feeling. I am in need of rest.”)
• Releasing tension in your body

Examples of compassionate accountability:

• Outlining reasonable (keyword: reasonable) consequences for specific behaviors (example: If I don’t make time for self care during the week, I must spend 1 hour over the weekend doing self care)
• Asking others for support and accountability (ex: walking buddies, text reminders)
• Addressing your needs instead of minimizing (ex: asking for someone to let the dog out so you can see a friend after work // Ask friend to pick you up for dinner so you can let the dog out)
• Time limit your self care before engaging in an avoided task (ex: watch 1 show and then spend 30 minutes cleaning the kitchen)

Life is hard enough as it is, no need to make your self care practice even more difficult.

Self Care Barrier #5: I don’t know where to start.

There’s likely a few contributing factors to this paralysis. One, you do not check in with your needs that often so you’re facing decision fatigue. Two, there are too many options and you want to find the “perfect” option. Three, you’re overthinking the process and overcomplicating self care. This feeling is something that can only be conquered by doing your way out.

Suggestion: Leave it to chance!

Grab a cup, paper, and a pen. Write down the self care you want to consider (boring or not boring) on their own scrap of paper. Ball them up, shake it and choose. Let the self care gods take you in the first direction.

Other suggestions:

• Time limit researching and debating, choose with the info you have at hand
• Start small, so if it doesn’t work it’s low risk and low energy
• Remember that self care is an ongoing practice, some practices just won’t hit the mark.

If you are wanting compassionate accountability for your self care routine, try the Nine to Kind Possibility Planner. Each week there are prompts reminding you to choose boring (and not boring) self care tasks! Struggle with knowing what to do? Perfect! The Nine to Kind Possibility Planner has three pages of self care ideas broken down by season. Take a look and get yours now!